Mai abbastanza..

i need to bitch & whine. 

i’m in such a bad mood right now. i dont know if its really that bad or its just i havent been in a bad mood in so long and this is just normal. i wish i could say its pms but that doesnt happen anymore. 

i said this a couple months ago and i was doing good… that i was done with the random stuff & wanted to find something steady.. like a boyfriend..  but then i don’t listen to that.. and now my life is where it’s at now. and the people i want to get to know more are clearly not interested in that.. and the people that do, i’m not really interested in. i dont get where you meet people anymore. not at school because im never there and my program is pretty much all women. and not at work cause we know how that goes. plus i work with douchebags. well one in particular. you meet someone at a bar, all they want is sex. no bueno. and i dont wanna get killed meeting someone off a site. i’m very paranoid in my old age.

also i have decided there is no point in not liking someone because everyone is like that person anyway. 

im in a really bad mood. fuck.

i dont get why my brain fucktions the way it does.

if i don’t have an ass in 30 days i will flip a table

i’m beyond frustrated with work. i feel like it really is a dead end. i hope i hear back from some of these places. i hate putting in effort and getting no where with it. any “opportunities” that are coming up are not for me, and they know it. and they know who they want. whatever. i’ve been applying hardcore at places again. it sucks needing to have benefits, it just makes it even more difficult then it was before. and then working around my school schedule. fackkk.

i am sick right now and that’s making me mad. and i’m getting my period i think for the first time really since august. miserable mess.

i have perfect blood pressure though. if that means anything. 

i thought i almost found someone that would make me not like someone else anymore. and when i am thinking about them, it works. but then out of sight, out of mind… and the other person in in sight.. so then they come back to my mind.. its mostly because i have like OCD or something when it comes to my thoughts… so its easy for me to forget and come right back. i’m kinda thinking the other person really isn’t what i wanted him to be.. or the idea in my head? but damn is it good.

i kinda forgot about this site. i really only used it to bitch when i was miserable and reblog sad quotes and pictures to fit my mood.

things have been going pretty good. it’s a blessing to realize who your real friends are, no matter how you end up realizing it. and yet again i’ve been told i seem a lot happier now then how i was a few months ago.

school is going great. it’s a lot of work and i’m petrified of next semester because it will be more intense classes and more work hours. 

i love being busy. this is a little too busy for me but it’s better then how things were before.

grrr so mad my plans got messed up this weeeekend. 

besides this minor bump, this month has been so fucking awesome so far. remove negativity from your life and it’s amazing how much things change. my entire outlook, i just feel GOOD. i thought i was finally content and happy in january. like everything was finally gone and good. but this feeling to then… it doesn’t even compare.

it was literally as soon as that shit went down, doors opened for me. 

anxiety. holy hell.

i want this test to be over with :-/

i had THE worst dream last night. it was all my weaknesses into one dream. and then everyone hated me and wouldnt talk to me anymore cause i befriended someone again. like no one. not even my best friends. 

and thats exactly what would happen if it was in real life. toxic people = bad. i know why everyone said you didn’t deserve me back in your life again.

$85 for the Deftones ticket. Very nice. This was definitely supposed to happen this way as Saturday night will be spent partying with my best friend for her birthday !

I feel bad for blaming someone this entire time for your misery. Maybe for once in your life you should realize that you’ve lost very amazing girls and maybe you should fix yourself cause this will be a repeat thing for you forever. Hell, you can’t even keep friends. Stop whining too. Get the hell over it.